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Resources for Parents

Here are Gavin de Becker's "12 Rules for Children" (often shared from Protecting the Gift). They're simple on purpose - easy to remember, easy to practice, and grounded in real-world safety rather than fear.

Gavin de Becker's 12 Rules for Children

 

 

  1. Trust your feelings.  
    If something feels wrong, it probably is.

     

  2. Don't be polite to someone who scares you.  
    Safety matters more than manners.

     

  3. You don't have to do anything just because an adult tells you to.
    Especially if it feels unsafe or confusing.

     

  4. If someone tries to hurt you, yell and run away.
    Make noise. Get distance. Find safe people.

     

  5. If someone touches you in a way you don't like, say NO and tell someone you trust.
    Even if the person is older, bigger, or known to you.

     

  6. If you get lost, stay where you are and look for a safe adult.
    A parent with kids, a teacher, or a store employee.

     

  7. If someone offers you gifts, secrets, or special favors, say NO and tell.
    Safe adults don't ask children to keep secrets from caregivers.

     

  8. You don't have to go with someone unless your caregiver says it's okay.
    Even if the person knows your name or your family.

     

  9. If someone asks you for help, get help from another adult instead.
    Adults don't need children's help.

     

  10. Your body belongs to you.
    No one gets to touch it without your permission.
     

  11. If someone is following you or watching you, go somewhere safe and tell.
    Trust that instinct immediately.
     

  12. Always tell a trusted adult if something makes you uncomfortable - even if you're not sure why.
    You will not get in trouble for speaking up.

Safety4Life

Why these rules work

  • They center intuition ("trust your feelings")
     

  • They remove obedience pressure
     

  • They acknowledge that harm often comes from familiar people
     

  • They give clear, actionable responses, not vague warnings

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